Monday, 24 September 2007

1 step 4wards, 97 back

had a bit of a weird day. feel really exhausted. think it's cos i've worked loads over the last few weeks. only one person to blame for that, and i don't mean myself. 2day jus felt like such an effort. all i could think about was ben. claire brought it on. las nite she asked if we were back together yet, as if it was goin to happen. it's jus so hard tryin to carry on everyday like normal, but without him. i nearly cried in the kitchen at work. i jus feel so alone. i've lost the most important person in my life and i have no solid reason to why. i'm bein good. i haven't had any contact with him since weds mornin. nearly a week ago. it's killin me. i wish this starts to get easier soon cos i can't keep goin like this. i'm not sleepin too grandee at the moment and workin loads. i jus don't think i'm ever goin to get over this. he was my life. how sad is that.

so after my extremely dire shift at work, hel came round mine and we watched big. old skool! got it in woollies cheapo. she cross stitched (which i never knew she did) and i still attempted my knittin. i'm pretty mucho out of wool now so we are goin shop shop 2moro to buy some for our dollies.

i'm goin to make a ben doll. could i get any sadder? i still have a picture of us as my background on my puter. i can't bare to delete. it would be like choppin off one of my arms. please let me wake up and this is all a horrid dream...

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