i've tried to sleep, but i can't stop cryin. all i can think about is ben. why is this so hard. why couldn't he just tell me he didn't like me anymore instead of tellin me he still does. it's even worse than before now, because now i have hope. i can't cope with this. the waitin is horrid. the waitin for him to decide if he wants me. he wants space to sort his head out, but what about mine. can't we be together while he still sorts his. mine is gettin real fecked up now. i miss him so much. i love him so much. i can't imagine my life without him in it. i know it sounds pathetic, but when i met him it felt like i was whole for once, that woteva it was that was missin from my life was finally there. i can't bare the thought of losin him, not havin him with me. i hate feelin like this. it feels like someone has ripped part of me from myself. i cant describe how painful this is. i'm still bein sick when i think of him. i really can't except what has been happenin. i would rather die than continue goin through this. he is my life, nothin makes sense without him, nothin is worth anything. how can i survive without him.
if this doesn't get better soon. i won't.