twat

jus been at work. meant to be sewin. need t' finish the piece tonight really, so i may have to make myself turn the puter off!! i know. crazy! lol. got to natter to danielle at work which was grandee as i haven't seen her for a few weeks. have missed her.

ben hasn't contacted me. i know he hasn't got cred, so i shouldn't really be that surprised. i gave him one last chance. emailed him exactly what i was feelin/thinkin, then txt him sayin read it. that this was the last txt i was sendin him and the balls in his court, but i'm not waitin around for him. hopefully it will make him think. i know i sound like a right stalker, but i know for a fact he likes me, wants to be with me still. he's jus bein a cock to protect himself cos he's too scared to open up in case he gets hurt. he had the balls to have a go at me las nite for flirtin with a bloke i work with las friday when i was out. firstly, i weren't flirtin with paul, i jus get on with him so we have a laff. secondly, BEN DUMPED ME. he has no right in gettin jealous. i'm single thanks to him. i dunno. i suppose he's jus a typical twatty man. can't commit to me, but doesn't want me to commit to anyone else. i can't win. i'm still stickin up for him, only reason for that i'm guessin is cos i love him. i know he's trouble, i know he's bad for me, but when it's gud, it's brilliant. mate fran at work told me to stop drinkin and leave ben, he's no where near gud enough for me. i somehow feel that i'm not gud enough for ben.

so yeah, i'm goin cold turkey. forcin myself to have no contact with him. maybe he'l realise he might actually lose me so will stop pissin around. who knows. i know what i want, but i've lost my say. sounds silly, but my future is in his hands.