Sunday, 30 September 2007
ou i have done the body of my knitted babe and one arm. rock and roll....
Wednesday, 26 September 2007
okay. so maybe i'm a lil bit tipsy, but i'm allowed to be. helen and me went for a few drinks at the taproom. was good. i was obviously on my usual and hel was on hers. i sat there knittin while we nattered. twat face turned up but thank lordy he took my advice and ignored me. it felt horrid not havin the contact with him that we use to have, but it's for the best. the best for me. my knittins gettin on well. i've made one back of the doll and have started the other body bit. so hopefully it will be nearer done soon. i'm really lookin forward to makin clothes for it. is that sad. ges... i don't care. this is keepin me goin, givin me something to do. i'm thankful for my drunken internet buyin. i wouldn't have the knitted babes book otherwise. hehe.
ben looked gud btw :(
Monday, 24 September 2007
so after my extremely dire shift at work, hel came round mine and we watched big. old skool! got it in woollies cheapo. she cross stitched (which i never knew she did) and i still attempted my knittin. i'm pretty mucho out of wool now so we are goin shop shop 2moro to buy some for our dollies.
i'm goin to make a ben doll. could i get any sadder? i still have a picture of us as my background on my puter. i can't bare to delete. it would be like choppin off one of my arms. please let me wake up and this is all a horrid dream...
Sunday, 23 September 2007
feel like all i've done in the las 48 hrs is work. worked las nite, worked 2day and 2nite. workin 2moro. when am i goin to sleep? should really go to bed now, but i'm too awake and starvin. that's the one thing that sucks about workin lates, never get a good meal. like 2moro, i will have to re-heat the sunday roast that my family are havin. never tastes nice. can always eat at work, but there's only so many toasties/cheesy chips/etc... that you can eat without feelin complete shit. they don't even do veggie grub really, so i can't have one of the main meals and i don't care much for jacks. so it's poop.
started a bit of knittin. makin my mates start knittin with me. we're goin to do the knitted babes as i now have the book. will keep us quiet for a while and gives us at least one nite a week when we're not out drunk. lol. i really have forgotten how to knit though. thought i would start on a little cardi so i could get back in the swing. plus i have a feelin hel and nat won't have a clue what they're doin and i will have to teach. i don't know where all my needles have gone. i had loads at uni. i can only find some massive chunky ones and a wired pair. so i'm attemptin the wired pair, but i seriously have to buy some. i only have one ball of quite thick wool too. so i ain't that prepared hehe. oh well. it will sort itself out at some point.
i'm goin to eat ritz crackers and finish watchin the 3 amigos. i love that film! klassiker (btw.. still ain't heard from the twat)
Thursday, 20 September 2007
i really hope i don't mess these ones up. my poor poor ugg boots got the brunt of my drunken walkin home on tuesday. covered in grass. i do like to waste dosh. not that i go out of my way to do it.
my sewins gone a bit poo. well, it hasn't gone anything really, but i've done my usual thing and not finished it in time for a competition i was meant to be enterin it in. so sod it. i'm still goin to finish it. it's not like i would have won. lol. this is it so far...
Wednesday, 19 September 2007
ben hasn't contacted me. i know he hasn't got cred, so i shouldn't really be that surprised. i gave him one last chance. emailed him exactly what i was feelin/thinkin, then txt him sayin read it. that this was the last txt i was sendin him and the balls in his court, but i'm not waitin around for him. hopefully it will make him think. i know i sound like a right stalker, but i know for a fact he likes me, wants to be with me still. he's jus bein a cock to protect himself cos he's too scared to open up in case he gets hurt. he had the balls to have a go at me las nite for flirtin with a bloke i work with las friday when i was out. firstly, i weren't flirtin with paul, i jus get on with him so we have a laff. secondly, BEN DUMPED ME. he has no right in gettin jealous. i'm single thanks to him. i dunno. i suppose he's jus a typical twatty man. can't commit to me, but doesn't want me to commit to anyone else. i can't win. i'm still stickin up for him, only reason for that i'm guessin is cos i love him. i know he's trouble, i know he's bad for me, but when it's gud, it's brilliant. mate fran at work told me to stop drinkin and leave ben, he's no where near gud enough for me. i somehow feel that i'm not gud enough for ben.
so yeah, i'm goin cold turkey. forcin myself to have no contact with him. maybe he'l realise he might actually lose me so will stop pissin around. who knows. i know what i want, but i've lost my say. sounds silly, but my future is in his hands.
Monday, 17 September 2007
if this doesn't get better soon. i won't.
Sunday, 16 September 2007
Saturday, 15 September 2007
i'm feelin more able to continue with my sewin now. got to work in a few hours, have done 50hrs this week. if it weren't for the alcohol, i don't think i would be copin lol. i'm goin to do a little bit of hand stitch now and take it with me to work. hopefully it will be pretty quiet so i can sew away.
Thursday, 13 September 2007
Wednesday, 12 September 2007
i never thought i would ever fall in love or find someone i could grow to love. i'm too awkward and selfish, also quite crazy and hard to deal with if you don't understand me. i get bored of blokes extremely quickly. ben was different. for starters i didn't jump head first in to things. i felt myself round him which rarely happens for me with anyone, and i wasn't afraid to be myself around him. i've never felt a connection to someone like i did to ben. i never got bored of him. i never could. now i've lost him. i will never find anyone else like him. i know myself too well. i have found and lost the one person who makes me happy.
i'm gonna go sew and watch a film i think. to keep myself busy i have put myself down for ridiculous shifts. 9.30am til 11pm 2moro. gonna be fun!!!! least i'm gonna be gettin drunk afterwards. who knows. maybe i'll bump in to ben and he'l realise hes made the biggest mistake.
i can only hope...
Monday, 10 September 2007
Sunday, 9 September 2007
Friday, 7 September 2007
bumped in to ben. well i wouldn't say bumped. i saw him coming out to the garden as we were going in. i did what every dumpee would have done in my situation. i avoided all eye contact and stepped over a dog to freedom. yes there was a dog blocking my exit. could only happen to me. i then sent drunken txt messages i really shouldn't have. pretty sure they were mainly full of hatred. oh well. what else would he expect.
day 3 since bein ditched - not any easier. doesn't help that i keep bumpin in to him. the complete and utter bastard! (see, i'm not bitter haha)
im gonna relax, mate marks over for the wkend, so it will be him, me, town, drunk... woop!!
Wednesday, 5 September 2007
Managed to get out of work & go to my mates leavin drinks. Got really wasted tho. Even before i met Chris & we made it to the drinks. Jus generally had a poop day. Ben had finally decided to get in contact with me & said he needed to talk to me so kinda knew it weren't gonna be gud. So yeah, when i finished work i decided neckin a bottle of voddy was my only choice. Luckily hanky warned me Ben was out. I was off my rocker enough to not care. Drank loads more out. Then got to the stage when i couldn't stop cryin. As you do. Spent all day 2day in bed bein sick, was truly horrid. Then had to work this eve. I really don't know what i've done. It went from bein great to shit jus like that. So i'm single once more. The only thing that could cheer me up at this moment is Ben trippin up & knockin his teeth out. That would be loverly to see. Painful & embarrassin. Would make me feel a bit better at least.
What else has really pissed me off is that my fone won't recharge. To top it off, my batteries died. Could things go any worse? Gonna have to watch some tele & sew i think. If something happens to my sewin i will scream!!!!
Tuesday, 4 September 2007
Monday, 3 September 2007
I'm hand stitchin watchin scrubs. Well for the next 45mins i am. Then i'm off t' work. Fun fun fun. Only 4 hrs tho. So alls gud. Final of Britain's nxt top model on 2nite. Will be watchin that. Woop!!
Saturday, 1 September 2007
Didn't do my sewin in the end. I fell asleep on the sofa. Then had my bro ringin me at god knows wot hour drunk. So i ignored him (i'm a loverly sis) and put my fone on silence. He then rang my sis as i heard her fone goin and she did the same as me. We don't like bein woken up. He should know that hehe.